June 3, 2019
It sings: all around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces. Bright and early for their daily races, going nowhere, going nowhere. Their tears are filling up their glasses, no expression, no expression. Hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow, no tomorrow, no tomorrow… I don’t know why this songs keeps playing in my head this morning. Probably, walking the dog despite my routes always changing because I cannot go through the same itinerary twice, reminded me of all those times people started recognizing me on the streets while living around the world, and this gives me mixed feelings. Being a nobody in the middle of other nobodies makes me feel fine, but when you go to the grocery store and you stumble on your neighbor, or you go to Ikea and you see a couple that for some unfortunate reason you see again miles away while working at a random place, or… well, long story short, when this world seems too small for words, my inner self starts screaming and I can hear it loud and clear: move!!! Now!
Yes, because “el mundo es un pañuelo” but damn, sometimes I can’t even… ! Going around in circles doing the same things over and over again, every single day, wake up, walk the dog, check the mail, do this, do that, walk the dog, go to bed… is simply not my cup of tea. It may be related to that sort of trauma I got when I watched “The Truman Show” when I was 14 (if you can’t relate getattahere) but I cannot really explain why “routine” just gives me some sort of anxiety. Honestly I do not even associate it with consistency, that’s something else, and I noticed it as soon as I started this “boxing practice” which you have to pursue constantly in order to see results. For instance, I do not hit the gym every day at the same time. I tend to vary at least the time of the classes I take, the streets I walk on (or drive) to get to the place, even the bottle of water I use. I mean, just something different every day. I need diversity, I need changes, I need d-i-f-f-e-r-e-n-t-i-a-t-i-o-n.
This may be another reason why, when everyone said “you’re crazy, you can’t start this project driving that car! It’ll leave you stranded. At least get an actual van!” I just passed it over. Van life right? Ugh no. Also, it’s a she, thank you very much. I’ve seen so many people remodeling buses, vans, old Volkswagen and all, and they are super cute, cannot deny it, but very few can say they traveled around with a normal car, old but gold, with innumerous miles on her “back” and still going. My 2006 Toyota Sienna –gifted to me by an old friend of mine, for which I am so thankful for, will be my conveyance, my four-wheeled chariot, my temporary “home”. All objections: overruled. It’s silver, I mean she is silver, she has scratches and bumps, yes. Just like my scars. She is still running, no matter those lights turning on (and off as they please apparently -yay engine check, take that, in your face!) but as long as they’re not red lights (father said) I can just keep going, and most of all, it has room for all my stuff, myself included. Folding seats in, piling things up as in that famous Tetris game, and we’re game. Love you Sienna, remember that.
I still don’t know where I am going, how long it will take me, what I am supposed to do, so stop asking questions, go with my flow, expect the unexpected and enjoy the ride. Follow me if you fancy, if not, I’ll get that too. One week from now I should be able to show you some visuals as well, hopefully even sooner than that but the weather is not helping. We’ll see. That’s all I can say for now because I genuinely do not have other information, details nor plans. At all. Today was supposed to be sunny and beautiful. It started overcast and rough. Meh. Let’s all be nice to each other and keep going. Maybe something nice will come out of it. Maaaad worlddddd.