Here we go again

June 8, 2019

I swear I don’t do it on purpose, it just happens that every time I have to start writing a post, a song gets in my head and it becomes the soundtrack of my current brainstorming session so, exactly like this song plays: “Here we go again […] Oh, oh I want some more…” the music gets stuck in my head and click after click, I start typing. By the way, FYI it’s Neon TreesAnimal.

The expression “here we go again”, to be honest, popped into my head when I started pondering on the current situation, wondering what tomorrow will bring (literally) and where I am going to be two months from now –if I am going to be somewhere; as far as I am concerned, anything could happen! (There, another song ding ding: Anything could happen, Ellie Goulding –can someone stop my mind from attaching a song to every little word I can think of? Shjees! Thanks). One thing leads to another and I get to think of those people who are lucky enough to wake up in the morning without worrying about their bank account being constantly empty, about them being perennially broke, –and broken, if I may add; it’s a thought I can’t really get rid of while people keep asking me how I am going to finance this adventure, or adding to that even some little anxiety picturing for me all the possible scenarios I could be trapped in. Not a big fan of all this, and not a big fan of these people either, to tell you the truth, but what can I do? Indeed.

Yes, I know that usually normal individuals will at least leave town with some sort of back up plans if something goes wrong, I admire them but I am not like them. Why leaving, thinking of all the possible accidents that can happen, spending energies I need to actually figure things out while I’m up and running, why preparing for plan B or C, when I don’t even have a plan A? I swear, for many this is really too hard to understand, and I think I heard more often “I would never do that” lately than “I wish I were you”. Eh, whatever really. It is just that this feeling of doing the wrong thing or not being smart/ready/rich enough permeates, and it takes away that sense of freedom I so dearly cherish. Buzz off, bad mood!

I know many will disagree and probably even get mad as what I am about to say is not something easily shared, but let’s stop for a moment and just think about it: money? It does define you. I know, I know, it’s an unpopular statement, and I can hear you all booing, but wait a minute. I am not saying, “haha, money defines you and it is ok, ciao poveri” (lit. bye poor people); what I am saying is that, it shouldn’t, because it should not, but it does. So I was passing by all these cute houses with white fences and red doors (like Joey Potter from Dawson’s Creek used to picture her dream house would be –yes, I remember, and yes, I used to watch that show) and I saw (not for real, but I could totally see it) this cute family, a Maserati and a Mercedes Benz parked on the driveway (those I could see clearly though), house paid off, both working nice cute jobs, a dog, a cat, whatever really, and sbam, I got catapulted to an airport scene where there’s me, waiting in line, economy class as always, and then there’s this cute little family, standing behind the first class sign. Now fast-forward to the end of the journey and the two stories, of these two different “classes” work like this:

Shiny Happy People (1st class)

First to get on board, comfortable seats, nice meals, better treatment, first to get off, go through security happy and cool, call a -nice- cab, get home easy peasy, smile, tired from traveling but doing fine, calls friends for dinner, chat about the cool vacation, beautiful places, comfy hotels, excursions, fun times, yadda yadda, everyone is happy, your friends love you, positivity attracts positivity, law of attraction works properly and the whole cycle returns, nice and easy…

Normal People (economy)

Last to get on board (or so), awful seats, meh meals, regular treatment, last (or so) to get off, go through security in a bad mood for having had a shitty trip, call Uber (pool, because it’s cheaper) if you can afford it, otherwise wait for public transport, get home or somewhere you can call home, tired a.f., if friends come for dinner you are so tired you act bitchy and everything from your vacation just turns out to be terrible, your friends start saying you always complain, negativity attracts negativity…and here we go again.

I know I made it a little too extreme, but the point is that money makes you happy. If you don’t have to worry about it you’re positive, you stay positive and you just experience life on a different level than others. Because money has become the coin used not only to buy goods but to define your worth. Why do we keep on having different classes on transportation? Why do we keep on having different options based on how much we can pay for them? I mean, I don’t need to name them all, we all know. This is all because there will always be someone richer who can afford something -more, something -better, and then there are the others and it all plunges all the way down. Society has divided us between those who can and those who can’t, but also those who can …more. Therefore, you matter more, on a societal level because you can afford things that others can’t. As much as I am aware of the fact that this is NOT right, and it should not be, this is exactly how things are and it is all deeply, inexorably WRONG. Ergo, with this mood now, I am going to drop this argument (thank goodness, I know, it would just take forever otherwise), and I’ll just leave it here. I’ll have plenty of time to argue again while having my breaks on the road in case you wanted to object or tell me what you think.

Last but not least, hitting the road will give me the chance to focus on more interesting matters than money, houses, people and whatsoever so fear no more, I quit.