July 2019

I haven’t gone missing, I’m just back in Los Angeles, CA. It always takes me a little while to process this kind of things so I did not blog last week, while trying to feel comfortable again, leaving my “nomadic” situation. I’m still houseless, I’m just not constantly driving and seeing things. And that’s the worst part of it. Everything looks so familiar now in this conglomerate of cities: the freeways, the landscape, the habits… the people. To be honest, seeing familiar faces helped me realize that I missed this place, but most of all I miss who I was while striving for survival in this area of the world. It made me stronger and I like it. I say “I was” because I am sure something within me has changed while on the road, although it may not be that obvious. I’ve seen so much beauty in the past month, the past weeks I’ve spent in a car, that my eyes are now longing for more, more, and I can’t wait to find it… around me.

I don’t know how many people are reading or will read this, but for what it’s worth, I want to leave a note, if only for myself to read back in the future. I was at that Starbucks at Barnes and Noble in St. George, UT on July 8th, and I sat on a chair where there was a book left alone, no one was reading it. At first it captured my attention because I remember I read “subconscious mind” from afar, then I got closer. I grabbed it and read through the cover and the back: I don’t know if it was because I was tired, or because I was receptive for other stimuli coming from all around me (people sitting, reading, talking) but, rather than being focused on that book, I left it there and I still can’t remember what I did read at all. I do recall only those two words, I must have been really disconnected because the only reminiscence of that moment is something like “I’ll check it out on line” but then I did not. Just like when I get an idea, instead of writing it down I believe I will remember it, and then I punctually forget it. Anyway, long story short, when I reached my friend’s house in the Los Angeles area and she showed me where I would sleep for a couple of days, on the nightstand she left a book she thought I may like: The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy, was lying on that table waiting for me. She did not know anything about that other book that apparently passed unnoticed to me, and it wasn’t the exact book I saw that day in Utah, but it is somehow related to it. I felt like a message was sent to me saying “read something about this topic” and I couldn’t ignore it again. So I started reading this book and I eventually understood why I had to. I always believed in the great phenomenon our brain is, our mind to be specific, why I wanted to study it –my psychology and psychoanalysis background, and the neurosciences; I just needed someone (or something) to remind me of that. It is not to talk about superpowers, or some weird paranormal activities and pseudoscience, but whatever you feed your brain will fuel your thoughts and everything attached to them, referring to both food and words, and that is just the truth.

That book, or the message it wanted to send at least, found a way to get to me. I think the one that I found in Utah was actually Subliminal, by Leonard Mlodinow because doing a quick web search, the cover looks familiar, but who knows. Still, the point of all this was to remember that, at this temporary stopover I have to take, I need to feed my mind properly in order to thrive. Harder said than done but I can try.

As for the traveling part, my poor Sienna needs to be fixed so I can’t really ask for much more from her. Not to sound too crazy or more than what I already am, but lately I was really talking to her nicely, petting the steering wheel saying “one more Sienna, one more and then I’ll let you rest” for our last miles, and I can hear now all those weird noises, that squeaking sound when I turn it on; I just have to be thankful it lasted long enough to take me back to this part of California without leaving me stranded. With September approaching I need to figure a few things out. People are back from their summer vacations and the whole employment mess is back in the game. My wandering around is not over, I may just have not enough places to see or visit, but I won’t stop researching and moving around. I currently have no fixed destination once again, and I am open to possibilities, as always. I may not be traveling by car, but I am definitely going somewhere soon. Just hang in there and you’ll find out.