Wow, so many things have happened since 2017 started. I know, I’m bad at being constant and creating a routine. I am disappointed too, believe me. The plan was to keep a detailed journal of this painful (literally now, and you will see why in a few lines) hair growth process, but as always, I get lost in thoughts, lazy days, down moments and most of all, daydreaming. That is exactly the activity that drains most part of my time, and guess what? Nothing good comes out of it as I completely lose myself in my imaginative world, forgetting I have work to do for school, I should be faithful to my yoga instructor (Adriene!) and do it everyday but I don’t…but, you know, the world I hide myself in is so much better than the one I see outside my window.
Well, probably not right now. I am actually staring at the charming Los Angeles skyline and oh, those palm trees… although there is this one thing bothering me: my scalp. Yes, that’s right. As I still can’t recognize the person staring at me in the mirror, although my hair is sloowwwly growing, I could not stand the idea of traveling to my favorite place feeling like I am not myself. So, I got extensions, to feel a little more like …me. In fact, while my hairdresser was glueing donated real hair on my scalp, this woman came and said: “oh my gosh, you look so different now!” Ugh, no Ma’am, no! I am going back to look how I looked before I decided to be stupid. Yes. People who first saw me with my haircut cannot even portray me with long hair. I am sorry for you people but, more than ever now, I can state that your hair is the extension of your soul... not only of your nervous system, and these extensions right now are hurting like hell. My scalp must be really sensitive. Although I spent more than I could afford, I’ll have to unglue these things before I drive myself crazy. The pain is so strong sometimes that I get headaches, so again, I literally made the wrong decision. (Song playing in my head after this: one more time, doo doo doo doo… by Daft Punk) And honestly, it does not even give me that self-confidence I wish I could get back with long hair. Bummer.
I will learn one day, maybe. Accepting the changes and embracing the consequences. Hilarious how for many aspects of my life I change something everyday because routines to me are boring, but for some others it takes me a while to align to the resonance. I guess I will have to just stick to this… Talking about frequencies, Los Angeles is apparently giving me a hard time this time. Last year I fell in love, or better, I realized I have always been attracted to this place that whispered to my ears “what took you so long?” while I was making love to it, enjoying that panorama you see standing from the Griffith Observatory. If you can’t feel it, I am not sure it is a feeling that can be explained with words. Hair or not hair, my heart cried that day. I spent a few days in Los Feliz, which soon became my favorite neighborhood, and my new friends who were hosting me, really made me feel like I was home. I am realizing it now, staying somewhere else (Echo Park to be precise) while they are away, and it is not as going to trivia night or to karaoke together.
With my weird look, weird to me at least as I am showing curls I never had before, I am now letting Los Angeles know me from a different perspective. I am scared she won’t like me, I still have to go back to my favorite place, and I feel the need to hike up those hills to ask her if she still wants me here. Probably, if I had long hair, I would not care, as they say, but I am not fully positive about it, anyway. The sun is out, after a cloudy and windy Sunday morning in Westlake. I feel like my baby is calling and I don’t want to make us both wait. Meanwhile, as it took me forever to start writing again, here are these three songs (click here to listen to them!) as my gift to you, to show how good it is to be here.
…the series finale of a tv show. “Oh come on yo!It’s over, bitch!” Ok, not explicitly like that, this is just because I am going cold turkey after a marathon of five, yes, five, seasons in less than a week, wait, probably three days, of 
Now, for someone like me who does not even trust herself that much, this is a really big issue. People lie all the time. Fine, not all the time, but at least once and more than once, everybody has lied. I mean, I do it too, and most importantly I lie to myself, but uh, not a big deal, yo. (Yo! Lol) Or maybe it is. One thing at a time though. There are different kinds of lies, as well as different degrees of lying. Sometimes we do it unintentionally just because we have been deceived by our own feelings, emotions, perceptions and, at the end of the day, we all have the chance to lie every once in a while. Remember those white lies? Those harmless lies, said to avoid hurting someone’s feelings? How stupid is this now, really? Shouldn’t the truth be told no matter how much it hurts? Weak people! Weak human beings. I want to be a dog. Dogs never lie.
Why am I even talking about lies now? Oh yeah, because I was thinking about trust. How do we build trust if we are aware of the fact that sooner or later, everyone lies? We live in this era when lying comes so easily while hiding behind a smartphone or computer screen!!! People can be fucking someone right next door and tell you on the phone “oh, I’m just reading the Bible, how about you?” and who will ever know? I mean, I would quote both my darling Brendon Urie and Natalie Portman in Closer (2004) when one sings and the other answers to “tell me something true” by saying “
Trust issues can come from two directions, I think: skepticism, which is a healthy attitude, and cynicism, which many consider bad but it is actually pretty useful, and these are the little Santa’s helpers that come into place when trust does not really know where and how to fit in. I think I rely on a mix of both, actually. Skepticism belongs to the ego whereas cynicism rules on my alter-ego, so ok, we got this far. Which personality damages my self-esteem and interferes with this whole issue the most though, is not clear. It will never be. And guess what? It got worse right after I had that amazing idea of changing the way I looked. Go me. I cannot believe that this is all due to a change of appearance. A different hairstyle. Maybe Delilah was right after all. Cutting someone’s hair is basically like ripping off a person’s strength, emotionally speaking. I know. I am totally aware it should not be right, but it is true. And as long as that person staring at me in the mirror does not match with me, myself and I, I will not trust her or anybody else dealing with her. Now. This said, and wrapping it all up, well, happy new year, you reflected image. I wish you all the best, but now give me my personality back, thank you very much.